52 Reasons in a Jar

My mom was always impossible to shop for. Not because she had a lot of stuff (the woman had, like, 4 shirts and that’s about it) or because she was difficult to please (she loved everything). In fact, that’s what made it so hard. As long as it came from her kids, she was always THRILLED about it. Kind of difficult to zero-in on something when she’d be happy with anything.

This coupled with the fact that I was BROKE AS SHIT last Mother’s Day kind of left me in a bind. After a lot of deliberation, I decided to make her something. I cut 52 strips of paper, and hand wrote a little note on each one of them. Something I loved about her. A special memory we shared. An encouraging note (she was going through a rough time). I put them all into a jar and told her to pick one at random every week for the next year.

She LOVED it.

It must of drove her nuts to wait a week between each one. She was as impatient as I am. But she waited. She told me that sometimes it was the best part of her week. She’d call me after reading it and we’d talk about it and take some time to catch up. It ended up being a gift for both of us. A lot of times, I needed those phone calls just as much as she did.

Today, she would have opened up the last one. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she never got to reach each one. It’s unbelievably hard to walk into my dad’s house and see that jar sitting on the table, notes still in it that will never be read.

I hope she knew. I hope everything I wrote down was redundant. I hope I took enough time when she was still here to tell her everything I put in that jar.

IMG_8314

Grief is a silly thing. You can move forward. You can find the strength to go on. But you never forget. It never stops hurting. And it will hit you so quickly, so unexpectedly.

But it’s also kind of amazing. Hurting this much shows that I’m capable of loving something more than I ever thought possibly. It’s the best and the worst part of life.

Mamasita, I love you. I miss you. I hope I turn into even a faction of the incredible person you believed I was.

Love,

Jackson

2 thoughts on “52 Reasons in a Jar

  1. Hi Jackson ; I am so happy to read this and thank you for sharing your love for her with us. I am sure that your mom is so proud of you πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»πŸŒΈπŸŒΊ.
    Happy mother’s day to her.

    From Miami ( cuban friend)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. From Florida/Cuba!! That’s fabulous.

      Thank you so much for reaching out. We love it when our followers chat with us. Thank you for wishing my mom a Happy Mother’s Day.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s